A testimony...

For those of you who knew me WAY back when, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in High School about a year after my Dad passed away.  Anyways, at that time, I was put on a medication to control the condition and advised that I not have children.  When the medicine worked well, I settled into the idea that I would be childless.....

And then?  TEN years after HS, I got married......

Brian and I agreed and were unified in the vision to shine our little light in whatEVER corner of the world we ended up in....and now?  Here we are in Chile, and God has called us to be parents.  I wanted to share a little bit about my journey into this new direction.

When Brian had his gall bladder surgery, I was scared and it was pretty stressful.  We came home from the hospital after seeing our God work and provide in HUGE ways, and we jumped into the school semester.  It was shortly after celebrating our second anniversary that I noticed things "weren't quite right."  When I mentioned it to Brian, we agreed that I had been under a lot of stress and maybe things were just readjusting from the trauma of it all.  Nevertheless, after a week, we went to a local pharmacy to get a pregnancy test--for my own peace of mind.  It came back positive....

Boy (literally), were we in for a shock!  Brian had a doctor appointment the next day with the dietician.  NO coincidence, she was the first doctor at the clinic that we had met who spoke English well.  After discussing Brian's health, I inconspicuously interjected, "So, if a person were to become pregnant in Chile, would they need to change their diet?"  hahaha......I thought I was being so sly.....:0S.....the doctor came out and asked me, "ARE you pregnant?"  What else could I say?  "Yes," I replied.  She proceeded to write out a prescription to take some prenatal vitamins and asked if I took any current medications.  When I told her I was on medicine, she said I needed to see an OB/GYN right away.  I proceeded to explain that I was in kind of a pickle because I needed an English speaking doctor...."Is there someone in OB that you could recommend?" I inquired cautiously.  Without hesitation, she responded, "My husband knows English and is an OB/GYN......"  I sat in awe of how my God had gone before us!

So?  We made our appointment and got things straightened out with my doctor......

FAST-FORWARD a couple months......

In October, we took a trip down to southern Chile.  I was experiencing the joys of morning sickness and still wrestling with the idea of expecting a little one.  Because we had about 8 hours of drive time, Brian and I listened to music, but we also listened to some Stateside radio broadcasts that he had on his ipod.  I chose one entitled, "Parenting as a Calling," thinking I would find renewed vision and comfort in the midst of our big life change.  I never saw it coming, but at the end of the broadcast Dennis Rainey shared a testimony about his late granddaughter, Mighty Molly.  She didn't live long after birth, but she had enough time to leave a mark on her granddad.  He put her handprint over his life verse, Psalm 112:1-2. It reads,

Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments!  His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.

Mr. Rainey's testimony put me over the edge, and I started to cry as we drove.  Brian cautiously asked, "Are you okay?"  I proceeded to share that I was scared for our little one.  "What if he is born with the condition I have?  What if he doesn't make it?  What if I'm not a good mom?....." and the list of doubts and fears only snowballed from there.  After listening to my apprehensions, my husband sat quietly for what seemed like awhile and gently asked, "Do you want me to say something or just listen?"  Desperately I responded, "I'd like to hear what you'd have to say."

"Phyllis, God made you perfectly, and God is making our baby PERFECTLY.....(pause).....we didn't decide or 'make' this baby.  Our kid is GOD'S kid, and HE is the One who is Sovereign and IN CHARGE.  HE is the One deciding how our baby is made and is our job to TRUST HIM and ENTRUST our baby TO Him.  Phyllis, we are doing and are going to do the best we can by our child with God's help, but ultimately?  Our baby is NOT ours, he is GOD'S and GOD will work in him and through him to accomplish the purpose and plan HE has for his life!"

Sigh....brings back a flood of emotions....but it's true.  And now?  Here we are, three weeks away from our little guy's arrival, and I thought it the right time to share my testimony.  God has called us to be parents.  We are trusting HIM to lead us and lead our soon-to-be-little addition.  Please pray for us on the journey!  We need it!!!